THE UPSIDE with Shane Whitbread: 5 PIECE OF SHIT GENRE FILM PIECES OF TRASH YOU MUST SEE

#1.  Miami Connection

Tae Kwon Do rock bands?  Check.  Motorcycle ninjas? Yep.

maxresdefaultMiami Connection might be the greatest genre flick ever made.  It’s the fucking “Citizen Kane” of trash cinema.  It’s strength lies in finding the balance
between incompetence and being the most endearing film ever made; the mother fuckers are trying.  Luckily, they just suck at it in the greatest possible way.  I watch this movie about once a month.  It’s kinda sad.  It’s up in full on YouTube.  Enjoy having the track “Friends” stuck in your head for weeks.

#2.  Battle Beyond the Stars

The best no-budget Star Wars clone out there?  It sure is.  Basically it’s Star Wars meets The Seven Samurai with more Roger Corman-isms (recycled special effects, cheap sets, lots of sexual innuendo).  Unlike most Corman grind battle-beyond-hd-1flicks, it’s actually a fun waste of an afternoon with shockingly competent acting.  John Saxon plays a low rent mix of Darth Vader and the Emperor fantastically over the top, and Robert Vaughn’s bit role as an assassin out of targets looking for a quiet place to die is a highlight.  Bonus points for the first great James Horner score (Roger Corman is STILL using the theme music in films to this fucking day).


#3.  The Beyond

beyond-fulciLucio Fulci’s masterpiece of abstract horror.  Trash-bag cinema absolute.  Low on plot, but that doesn’t matter (the gates of hell open, shit doesn’t need to  make sense).  Beautifully shot with amazing use of one point perspective.  Fabio Frizzi score proves why he is the master of Itailan horror soundtracks, not Goblin.  Hope you have a strong stomach.

#4.  Dirty Harry

dirtyharry_POSTI’m slapping this in here because it’s getting kinda forgotten in time.  Dirty Harry is the perfect slab of ’70’s sleeze exploration flicks.  Everyone is just tainted in this film.  Harry is a racist, sexist, foul mouth voyeur out to stop a serial killer at any cost.  Cliche?  Sure, but it’s kinda the first of it’s kind and maybe the best.  Bonus points for why Harry’s nickname is Dirty (and it’s not because his police techniques are questionable).

#5.  Electric Dragon 80000 Volts

electricdragon80000v-07Japan Trash gem of a film.  Kinda a demenented super hero movie in the vein of “Ichi the Killer”, just without all the violence and fucking rape.  A boy is hit by lighting, opening up the lizard part of his brain making him able to track animals.  The flip side is he is also prone to bouts of rage.  His only redemption?  Playing noise guitar.  Weird and wonderful classic of a genre that has been kind of dead for the last few year (Korea has kind of taken over that mantle).

 

Note: Expect the genre film round up to become a semi-regular part of this colum-type thing.  Especially when I have a looming deadline and shit Internet. – SHANE