Nothing made you want to skip school more than feeling like shit. I know I wasn’t sick all the time as a kid, but now that I know what I was being fed every day, I understand a lot better why I felt like such shit all time. When I first saw John Hughes’ Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, I was inspired. I had all those gadgets in my house. I had a synthesizer keyboard that could make sample sounds. I had a tape deck. I had a mannequin head (no, I didn’t). I had string and a bell. Why the fuck couldn’t I do that magic Ferris did? Because I’m not Ferris. Neither are you. No one is. That fucking guy danced on a float in that crazy fucking Chicago parade. All them cops in the parade, and not one of them stopped him from lip-syncing on that float and almost causing a ‘shake it up, baby’ riot. It’s because he’s a fucking ninja. A ninja of the 80s. He had a pretty good team, but they were all supportive at best. Ferris is the ninja. Named after that fucking wheel at Navy Pier, and everything!
I’m sure I wasn’t the first, or last, kid that watched this movie for the first time while skipping school. Laying on the couch with the blankets pulled up all high, with the Kleenex box on your lap for show. You felt like shit, but you weren’t sick, and you sure as fuck could have gone to school. You didn’t want to. The teachers are assholes. There’s still a few kids kicking your ass on the path every day. You’ll get those fuckers one of these years, but today you just need a fucking day off. You know you’re not leaving the house. You aren’t taking your friend’s father’s Ferrari anywhere. You aren’t going to any baseball game at Wrigley Field or fancy lunches at that Blues Brothers restaurant, and you probably will never, sick or not, sing and dance on a moving float in a parade in downtown Chicago. But, by watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you can feel all the fun of doing that stuff, in your massive imagination, and still feel pretty sneaky doing it. That feels good. Being sneaky feels good, even if you are an idiot and fooling no one. The best skipping school movie of all time. Pass this gem on to your kids, please; and watch the hamster wheel turn as they plan their own ‘day off’. – FATS
FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (1986) TRAILER