GARY’S MANCRUSH ON ALFIE

62685-McD-9BkI sure as fuck cried the day Daniel Alfredsson announced he was leaving our beloved Senators to play for those fucking Red Wings.  Yeah, I cried… like a fucking baby.  My heart was broken in two, but I was never mad at him.  I couldn’t be mad at the Golden God.  That fucking guy did everything for that team.  We all new that if there was ever a problem that needed fixing on the ice, just send old fucking Alfie out there and he’d get the job done.  And, by Jesus, the fucking Leafers hated him eh?  There is nothing better than having the captain of your team, whose played on said team for 17 years, be the right fucking thorn in the side of the scumbags you hate the most.  Just writing this is bringing a fucking tear to my eye.  I just want to hug him and say thanks.  Fuck you Leafs – Alfie rules!

WebA few pals of mine, including Randy and Chad, used to get together for every game to see what magic this fucker would cast next.  We’d have our shitty old chair set up like we were our own fucking line, and we’d watch the shitty 10 inch television we had, but when good old Aflie hit the ice we usually ended up fucking dancing around the room like a moronic game of duck, duck, goose,  Those first couple of seasons when we just barely made the playoffs, that glorious Swede set shit on fire out there, making us all a little more proud of our shitty little hockey team.  As the years went on, he stuck with us, and in 2007, in game 5 of the conference final, Alfie sent me to my balcony in full roar as he scored the overtime goal to send our shitty little team to the FUCKING STANLEY CUP FINAL.  I don’t care that they got there asses handed to them in that final.  That glorious goal solidified his Golden God status.

 

A good pal to rockandrolljunkie.com wrote a great status on Facebook today, and it went something like this:

“Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
Calder Trophy 1995-1996.
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
43 goals 60 assists in 2006-2007
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
3rd round, game 5, 2007, in Buffalo, scores winner, to put the Sens in the Cup final.
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
Breaks stick in Toronto and mocks Sundin the game after Sundin gets 1 game suspension for throwing broken stick into crowd.
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
Scores winner in NHL’s first ever shootout.
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.
Gold Medal, 2006 Olympics.
Hit Tucker, knocked him out of the series, seconds later scored the winning goal.”

This makes me laugh, but it’s so true.  All them Leafer’s hate him so much because of that hit on Tucker.  Yeah, that hit would have had him suspended for a good while in today’s watered-down version of the game, but at the time it was priceless for fans like us.  I don’t care what team you cheer for, Darcy Tucker was a right fucking goof and deserved everything he got – say hi to him if you see him at his new job at the 7/11 in Markham, or wherever the fuck he is.  And, to smash that maggot like that just to take the puck and score the game winning goal in the playoffs – again, made him a Golden fucking God in this town.
NHL Ottawa CalgaryIt’s too bad idiots in the business can’t stop being greedy fucks, or maybe he would have truly finished his career here.  But, the hatchet has been buried, and my mancrush is coming back to town, signed back where he belongs for one game, so he can properly retire in the city that truly loves him.  Name the street after him, put a fucking Rocky-esque statue of him in front of the arena, give him a job in the head office – he’s the guy who built hockey in this town.  Fuck all you naysayers, especially you stupid fucking Leafers – you wish you had him, but you didn’t, we did.  And fuck did he ever make you look stupid sometimes.

From the bottom of my heart, I love you Daniel Alfredsson, and I hope you decide to stay and make hockey awesome for shitheads like me for a long, long time.  Now here’s that Tucker smashing – it’s one of the best things this Golden God every did.  Fuck Tucker – Leafs Suck!