How’s it goin’? It’s Gary, here in the Lodge getting ready to dive right into some fucking holiday NFL. As you may know, Fats and I live in Canada, while our good pal Dan lives in fucking sunny California…fucking guy. Well, us fucking North American’s stuck with the fucking cold for most of the year already had our turkey day, but it is always nice to get another full day of NFL. I have gone to American Thanksgiving parties (here in Canada) in the past, mainly to watch football. On occasion, there has been the full turkey dinner spread. I don’t fucking do that anymore, but I do take a day off from hawking my wares to sit back and gets me some sweet all-day NFL action. I smoked and drank my way through the first two games of the day, and couldn’t give two fucks about the scores of those stupid fucking games. The game I wanted was between the mighty fucking Seahawks and their arch rivals the Forty-fuck’n-Niners.
As I knew it would be, and was so hoping for, this was a massive defensive battle. Fuck all you who hate defensive football. Watching teams struggle to score because the defense is so fucking strong only make the scoring that does happen that much more vital and exciting. Play the game a little before pissing on the most important part of the game – defense. Teams with dominating defenses win Super Bowls – end of. So, when smashmaster Richard Sherman set up the only touchdown of the game, then went on to intercept the ball again a bit later, I was spinning around in my filth-ridden armchair yelling sweet nothings at the television. The Seattle Seahawks won the game 19-3, ending a fucking five-game losing streak at that wretched 49’r home field. It was glorious.
That Hazzochee or Hashclowd kicker, whatever his fucking name is, for the ‘hawks kicked 4 fucking field goals, while the staunch defense pounded that fucking Kaepernack’s tattooed teeth in. He couldn’t fucking fart without being pounded in the mouth. While Russell Wilson did a little of this and a little of that and passed for 236 yards. Even though Seattle took complete control of this match, they had to overcome the fucking idiotic 105 yards of dumb penalties. I guess you take a penatly sometimes – WHEN YOU’RE SMASHING FUCKING FACES.
After picking the ball off for the second time, Sherman did that whole “SHHHH” thing with his finger to his mouth. I took a big haul off my hashpipe, coughed a bit, and smiled while I spit out a coughing, “fuck-yeah”. Sherman shushed the half-empty stadium and then waved them goodnight. Sweet tits – go ‘Hawks.